Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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