i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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