Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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