dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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