I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
