Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
