how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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