I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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