When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
