Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
