I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
