well I can't set my house on fire every night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
