I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
