so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
