the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish my penis had a tongue
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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