I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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