I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
