Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
