physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
