Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
