So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
