I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
