I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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