saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
