Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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