I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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