It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
nutella sex= disaster
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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