dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
