So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
