hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
