Ambien. No doubt about it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
