I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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