I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
