I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
