You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
