Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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