i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
