Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
