The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
