I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I smell like Dick and happiness
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