One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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