no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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