See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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