I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize