Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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