guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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