please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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