At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize