holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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