I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
