Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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