She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
