guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
