She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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