do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
