totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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